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March 31st, 2006
06:58 pm - Newspaper
The following was published in the March 31, 2006 issue of The Collegian, the Grove City College newspaper. This is the "He said" side of a "He said/She said" column. The topic was "Flip-flops, the winter footwear."
Gandhi once said “trendyness is divine but never wear flip-flops when it’s cold outside.” Apparently, there aren’t many enlightened people on campus. All year round I see people wearing flip-flops everywhere I go, even when it’s freezing outside. This seems to be quite the trendy thing to do. I, for one, do not understand this. I absolutely hate the cold, and if I must go out in the cold, my feet (which as a soccer player are precious to me) are a top priority. I would be more than happy to wear socks and sandals together, or “scandals” if you will, but unfortunately that’s looked down upon in some circles.
Hence a problem: If you desire to be hip to the bone and styling, you have to let your feet turn black from frost bite. So for a solution I’ve come up with two new fashion trends in the same bent as the “wear-flip-flops-when-absolutely-impractical” trend.
Sunglasses: wear them all the time, especially at night and in buildings, the bigger the sunglasses the better. You should prefer Top Gun-style aviators to make sure your professors notice you. I can already see this trend sweeping our campus and our nation’s middle schools. For an example, see “Blues Brothers.”
Boom boxes: carry a giant boom box with you everywhere you go, just like MC Hammer’s buddies used to do when we were kids. Nothing screams “in vogue” like a three-foot long boom box blasting emo music into your ears.
Now that I’ve given some new guidelines by which we should live our lives, let’s address a more important issue: the demise of the shoe. Nietzsche declared in 1882 that “the sneaker is dead.”(His words were later changed to create shock value.) Now 124 years later his prophesy has almost come to pass. I have always been a fan of the shoe, and I am sorry to see them become another victim of fashion. I don’t think this is what Benjamin Franklin envisioned when he invented the flip flop.
I prefer to be an optimist. I see my can of Dr. Thunder as half full. And I believe the shoe will survive this recent onslaught. I will continue to wear shoes and have warm feet up until the cold and bitter end. Note: I dropped a few names in this column, but I didn’t even have to mention Chuck Norris.
I am now a published writer.
Current Music: Dry The Rain - The Beta Band
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January 29th, 2006
02:01 am - Studs N Guns
I feel like I should mention one of the greatest indoor soccer teams ever assembled
It was known as ::bangs on desk for drumroll:: :
Studs 'N' Guns
We went undefeated last week at the Polar Challenge which was held at the Summit.
I think a shout out is needed for all my teammates: My older brother Brian, the Brothers Weyandt (Steve and Jason), Brian Rupprecht from Dubois (Rupert), Rocco my RA last year at Grove City (who grew up in Spain where men are bred to play soccer and have sex with women....much like Sidney Crosby and Canada as Dean mentioned before), and Rocco's three friends from near Pittsburgh: Cat, Nate, and Steve.
I'd also like to thank the sweet fan support we had from Dean, Jake, Jen, and my sister-in-law Bethany.
Here's to a Champion. ::raises glass of bubbly::
Hopefully next Sunday I'll be able to say that again.
GO STEELERS
Current Music: my roommate playing guitar
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January 25th, 2006
10:37 pm - Goodbye to a Legend
Yesterday sadly marked the end of an era for Pittsburgh sports and NHL hockey. One of the greats, if not the greatest to ever play the game, Mario Lemieux, retired.
He was known as Le Magnifique, The Magnificent One.
The young rookie who came to Pittsburgh in 1984, who scored on his first shot in his first shift in his first game, would go on to amass a total of 690 goals and 1,033 assists for 1,723 points in just 915 games.
He brought the Stanley Cup to Pittsburgh, twice.
His awards include rookie of the year, 3-time regular season NHL MVP, 2-time playoff MVP, and 6-time league leading scorer.
Also in 1999 he bought the team out of bankruptcy, single-handedly saving the franchise and keeping the Penguins in Pittsburgh.
Goodbye Mario....and thank you for everything, you were truly magnificent.
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January 16th, 2006
11:45 pm - Let's Go Black and Gold
This is Nancy Grace, an attorney and hostess of an hour-long show on CNN.
Distant relatives?
In other news: the STEELERS beat the best team in football yesterday. Even after getting completely ripped off. Yeah that's right.
Current Music: Tom Petty
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January 11th, 2006
05:28 am - Interview with Judge Alito
I had the privilege of sitting down with Judge Samuel Alito who has recently been nominated by President Bush for the Supreme Court. Judge Alito has been facing tough scrutiny from senators on his views of everything from abortion to the power of the president. I was fortunate enough to talk with Alito and see for myself if he really is the right man for the job.
Barry: First thing’s first Judge, how and why did you become a judge in the first place?
Judge Alito: Well Barry I’d like to say that it was for the chicks, but that was in my younger days, it was the 70’s and it was a time when girls really dug the robe look you know, and the whole gavel thing, it was great back then, we had free love… free judicial law interpreting love. It was beautiful. But now I really think it’s just that great feeling you get after you throw a bum in jail. I’ve thrown thousands of bums in jail in my career but that feeling never goes away. I always feel like I’ve done the world a favor after I throw a son of a bitch in the Clink. And nothing can beat that.
Well Judge it seems like you’ll be missing that feeling once you become a Supreme Court justice, since the High Court mostly deals in Constitutional matters. How do you see the court’s view of the Constitution evolving in the coming years, especially under the new guidance of Chief Justice John Roberts?
I see the court moving in the direction of better representation in government. Barry, throughout my whole career I’ve always tried to emphasize one thing: proper representation. Take Nevernudes for example, these people suffer from a horrible affliction of never being able to let themselves be in the nude. In this country alone there are literally dozens of them. Do you ever see anyone representing them? Exactly.
Judge does your milkshake bring all the boys to the yard?
I could teach them but I’d have to charge. And only if the charge isn’t considered a bribe.
We all remember what happened to Robert Bork back in 1987, since then the label “to Bork”, meaning to obstruct a political appointment, has come into the lexicon. What labels would you place on the Democrats’ current attempts at destroying your character?
“Conservative Justice? Not on my time”
“I can’t spell certiorari but I sure as hell know I don’t want Alito on the Court”
“Fuckin Alito”
Judge if you could make any law you wanted, what would it be?
To ban the Black Eyed Peas from performing or recording any music ever again in the United States, also any actors who claim they will move to another country if a certain candidate is elected to office must follow through on their claims. Alas, I only interpret the law.
Obviously, as a judge you use many terms that are not common in every day language. Which judicial term do you hate the most?
Oral argument.
Do you see some of the past precedents such as abortion and capital punishment being overturned in the coming years?
Far be it from me to say what will happen in the court in the decades to come, but I can tell you one thing, I’ll make damn sure the precedents set by that gavel-banging bitch Judge Judy will be overturned.
Judge I appreciate the time you’ve graciously spent here and I wonder if other justices like say Clarence Thomas would be as amicable. Your thoughts on Justice Thomas?
CT and I go way back to our judicial love days in the 70’s. We used to play cards and smoke stogies once a week. He’s a funny bastard and I look forward to working with the man.
Judge I just have one more question: Thank you.
Current Music: The New Pornographers
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December 22nd, 2005
02:29 am - 'Twas Two Weeks Before Christmas
‘Twas two weeks before Christmas and the students had tests
They studied and studied and never could rest
Their finals were coming, no time for delay
And they all had hopes of getting an “A”
The professors, they handed out tests with a sneer
And the faces of students were pictures of fear
They’d studied for hours but as they looked down
They knew they’d get taken right down to browntown
First Government, World and Church History
Then Ancient Civilizations and Logical Symbology
Well break was so close but we couldn’t escape
What these tests did to me might just have been rape
Now I don’t know about you, or if your school’s hard
But mine makes me feel like I’m a retard
If you thought back in high school you may have been smart
Here at the Grove, you’re a fool from the start
I’m not gonna lie, I do love the school
Even though sometimes I feel like a tool
I’ll call it as I see it, here’s the bottom line
This hard work will pay off, the reward will be mine
And now I’m at home for a long Christmas break
Reflecting on tests that I just had to take
I’ll think of the future that lies just ahead
Oh screw it I’m tired and I’m going to bed
By Barry Snyder, adapted from "'Twas the Night Before Christmas"
Current Music: The Shins - New Slang
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December 16th, 2005
01:40 pm
I was on your porch,
The smoke sank into my skin,
So I came inside to be with you,
We talked all night,
About everything you could imagine,
'Cause come the morning, I'll be gone,
And as our eyes start to close,
I turn to you and I let you know,
That I love you.
Well, my dad was sick,
My mom she cared for him,
Her loving nursed him back to life,
And me, I ran, I couldn't even look at him,
For fear I'd have to say goodbye,
And as I start to leave,
He grabs me by the shoulder and he tells me,
"Whats left to lose? You've done enough,
And if you fail then you fail but not to us,
'Cause these last three years,
I know they have been hard,
But now it's time to get out of the desert and into the sun,
Even if its alone."
So now here I sit,
In a hotel off of Sunset
My thoughts bounce off Sam's guitar,
And thats the way its been,
Ever since we were kids, but now,
Now, we've got something to prove,
And I, I can see their eyes,
Then tell me something, can they see mine?
'Cause whats left to lose?
I've done enough,
And if I fail then I fail but I gave it a shot,
'Cause these last three years I know they have been hard,
But now it's time to get out of the desert and into the sun,
Even if it's alone,
(Even if it's alone)
Even if it's alone.
I was on your porch last night,
The smoke, it sank into my skin.
"On Your Porch" by The Format
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March 9th, 2005
07:19 pm - The Only Two Reasons You Need to Participate in Mustache March
In my first update in over two months I will not pretend to be making an amazing update like others have done recently. I will not give you a top ten list or hilarious old memories right now. I probably wouldn't be able to do that as well as Morris or Jake or Bowser anyways. But I will shed light on a tradition so valuable that after reading this you will want to pass it down to your children and posterity. This is a tradition in which all great men participate, a tradition so historically significant that great empires have risen and fallen under its mighty guise. A tradition so pure that it is often given spiritual credence by the pigmies of africa. This tradition is:
MUSTACHE MARCH
If you're thinking to yourself "what? mustaches? are you kidding? has Barry finally gone insane?", just check out these next few pictures, they might just give you a kick in the ole' boys.
Since Tom Selleck and Ned Flanders are probably the gnarlyest and if not the most sexiest men to ever hit the planet, I think all of us should probably want to be just like them.
Well that's all the time I have for now. I'll see you in a few months. Good luck with your staches men.
Current Music: Kansas- Dust in the Wind
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January 5th, 2005
03:24 am
Congratulations to my brother Brian.
Bethany is really awesome and I can tell that Brian is truly happy. Congrats bro.
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December 6th, 2004
05:20 pm
I try to think of ways that I've changed in the nine months since we lost Ben. One way is that I try to see everyone in my life as a blessing right now. It would be better to value people while they are with me, not think of their worth after they are gone. With this thought in mind, I try to make myself a blessing in other people's lives. I hope I've succeeded at least a little bit.
As I write this in the stairwell at 2:00am I can hear guys on my hall talking about the movie we are going to make. It will undoubtedly be the coolest thing ever, because they are undoubtedly some of the coolest guys ever. Being here at Grove City these past few months has made me a completely different person than who I was on August 20th when I came here. I experienced the worst week of my life during soccer camp where I thought I was going to literally die every day (I'm not even joking dudes). I've had to balance myself between basically 2 halls (because of where my room is), 2 RA's, a soccer team, and all the groups of people that they know and the other people I've met. Now that soccer is done consuming my time, I've tried to build friendships with those who have already established their own group. Being so far behind, I sometimes feel like I just shouldn't be there. It's hard to be yourself around people when you don't know who you are. I'd like to think I've grown up since I've come here. But I still act like a six year old at times, maybe that's who I am.
Don't get me wrong though, Grove City is frickin s to the weet.
Alright so since this entry is really boring, and I know that probably no one gives 2 craps about what I wrote above, I drew this comic for you guys. It illustrates just how cool we are here at Ketler East Gable (KEG).
Bring on the 8th grade humor, I apologize in advance.
I could have been studying in the hour it took me to do this.
I really am six years old.
Current Music: Elias - Dispatch
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November 14th, 2004
11:58 pm
So since everyone else that goes to college has a photobucket. I think I'll put some pictures on here.
I actually lost weight at college. I played soccer for about 12 hours a day. Go figure.
College is about:
1. Picking up chicks.
2. Playing video games.
3. Going on road trips.
I'm usually doing 2 out of 3. But sometimes I get lucky and get number 1.
Soccer is over and I lettered (and there was much rejoicing). I'm now resurrecting my social life and enjoying the free time that everyone else had from the beginning (and I'm not even bitter). I usually spend it bugging these awesome dudes:
These homies are Josh, Jaimie (sp?), and Knate. They are the Blancos Ninos. They're going places. I'm their multimedia technician/manager/roadie/stagecrew. Maybe one day I'll be cool enough to join. I'll probably have to stop annoying them so much. We added a silent 'k' to Nate's name because it gives him more street cred.
This weekend I went to Jen's house and it was frickin awesome because Jen is cooler than your mom. If you say different I'll throw an english muffin/bagel/poptart at you. I should stop using inside jokes when 4/5 of the people that read this won't get them.
I'm pumped for Thanksgiving. It will be my first time home since August 20th. That's right I've been in the Grove for that long. It's had its ups and downs but mostly ups. The people here are sweet and most of them are probably cooler than that uncle you always looked up to. Yeah I said it.
BONFIRE AT MY HOUSE NOVEMBER 26, BE THERE OR BE A COMPLETE QUEERMO.
But honestly everyone and their cool moms will be there so you should be. Even my next door neighbor will be there, she might even be early this time.
So I don't really have anything more to say. Stay cool and stay in school until the next time I update, which will probably be in like two months.
One more thing, I love Amanda Larkin.
PSYCHE!! I'm joking, but seriously, J/K, but really...
You stay classy Hollidaysburg. Grove City, you're already classy enough.
Later.
Current Music: I Want You To Want Me - Cheap Trick
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September 19th, 2004
11:35 pm
"The rest of those that have gone before us cannot steady the unrest of those to follow."
- Finding Forrester
I miss the kid that used to make me laugh until my stomach hurt. And I miss the kid that I would always feel comfortable around no matter what. I miss Tony and Ben. That's all I really have to say. I bet you expected something deep. Just think about the quote above.
Grove City is a great place. I can't expect to have the time of my life right off. I just need to make some good friends first. That's always how it is when you go to a new place. I should know that by now, this being my fourth different school system. The guys on the soccer team are great. Their friendship has gotten me through this first month. I could not have asked for better teammates. Individually I'm doing ok in soccer. I've gotten playing time in all of our games so far and I even scored my first collegiate goal. It's hard to adjust to college level soccer but I'm sure in time I will. And that's enough about me because I know that no one cares.
I hate black t-shirts with snappy white lettering. Like this one:
This shirt might make more sense if we changed it to:
And this is one:
This would be more suitable:
And this is my all-time favorite:
More like:
That's all for now. I proabably should have split this up into two entries but whatever. And one more thing:
Seeya later! I gotta go study because I'm a college student! Can't you tell!
Current Music: Born Too Late - The Clarks
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August 18th, 2004
08:13 pm - Eve of College
I'm leaving in two days and I just thought I should update for kicks. I want to make sure that two months from now I'll be able to look at this journal and say "What the ___ was I thinking? I'm such a ____ing loser."
Bring on the list humor.
Some things everyone should know before leaving for college:
1. We should all pay attention to what celebrities tell us about politics because they are the people we should want to be like and always do what they say. Who else would know what is best for us other than Whoopi Goldberg and Dave Matthews? From now on I'm going to let someone that's famous think for me and tell me what to do. Lead on Whoopi, I will follow.
2. Texas Hold'em is a good way to make money. $61 in fact. Nothin big, but I could use it. 
And as the picture above clearly shows, it's good family fun.
3. Michael Moore is fat.
On top of making "documentaries" that inform us of why he hates our country, he also has a bad weight problem. YAY! Bitter fat people are great, they always find a way to be accidentally amusing. This man's ideal world would have Afganistan under Taliban control and Iraq ruled by a phsycopathic dictator bargaining secretly with North Korea for WMD. All just so our European friends would like us. But I'm not going to get political. On the eve of my move to college, that's the last thing we need.
4. America sucks at basketball. Has the whole world gone crazy? Our men's team lost to Puerto Rico. Puerto Rico? What the _____? NBA stars have lost their pride.
Don't we all love list humor?
Well I'm leaving for college and I don't feel old enough. But I never have. My move to Great Commission School was good, my move to Hollidaysburg High was great, I'm hoping to go 3 for 3 at Grove City. Later skaters.
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July 25th, 2004
11:02 pm - Going for a drive.
Why do we go on drives when we're upset or angry, or when nothing seems to make sense? Are we looking for some kind of answer, do we just need time alone to think, or maybe watching everything fly by as we leave our troubles behind gives us some kind of solace. It could be all three. The funny thing about us is that sometimes we want to be alone, but never lonely. Sometimes you look at your life and think that no one is there for you, at least I do. Sometimes I feel the deck is completely stacked against me. So what do I do? I go for a drive, or I find somewhere that I can be alone. When we're alone we really think about the important things in our lives. We think about the questions that we can't answer. And we think about the troubles we're going through. It's good to be alone and reflect on your life and the purpose you have here. It's good to think about questions that you can't answer. It's when you don't think at all that's the real danger. Don't always have the need to be entertained. Go for a drive and think about things.
Here I am acting like I know something. I'm a douche.
HEY CAROLINE!
Current Music: Evaporated - Ben Folds Five
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01:45 pm - NES
I thought this was a neat picture.
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July 15th, 2004
02:53 am
"We're the middle children of history, man. No purpose or place. We have no Great War. No Great Depression. Our Great War's a spiritual war... our Great Depression is our lives. We've all been raised on television to believe that one day we'd all be millionaires, and movie gods, and rock stars. But we won't. And we're slowly learning that fact. And we're very, very pissed off."
- Tyler Durden, Fight Club
If we are God's middle children, with no special place in history and no special attention, do we have to get God's attention to have any hope of damnation or redemption?
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July 2nd, 2004
12:54 pm - California
I'm leaving for California tomorrow and I won't be back until the 13th, just in case anybody cares. I'm going for what else but soccer. It's the AYSO National Games. I'll try to represent.
I'll be picking up California girls. Or maybe not, because I'm a big loser.
I am now officially addicted to Dispatch.
I've been thinking a lot about friends lately. Who my friends are and if they are for real. I've been uncertain about some people recently and whether they actually want to have anything to do with me. But I like to give people the benefit of the doubt and I'll continue doing so.
A life lived for oneself is a tragic one. Just think about that. To live your life for the sole purpose of pleasing yourself is a very dangerous thing. One thing I realized while at Young Life camp is that I need to start living for others, not myself, in that way I'll be more fulfilled. This day is not mine. So I shouldn't live it that way.
Later Skaters.
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June 10th, 2004
12:38 am - Sometimes
Sometimes it's funny to look back on the moments that have shaped our lives. Well, usually it's funny, sometimes it just freaks me out. I think I've finally lived long enough to actually see some of the darkest times lead to the brightest times. To think of where I was just two years ago, when I didn't know 95% of the people I know now, is a very strange thought. The story of my move from a Christian school with a class size of six to the sprawling and crowded halls of Hollidaysburg Area High School is very peculiar and ,well, mostly boring... but it shows a lot about the person I am today. Yes, I'm peculiar and boring.
Working hard down at the Great Commission Schools to keep up my grades and keep up my groove, I always made sure to steer clear of the law. I was a pretty good kid who had matured from his trouble making days in elementry (I used to be "that kid" who always seemed to get into trouble). Believe it or not, I was a straight A student who was well on his way to earning valedictorian (I realize it was out of six), but then I guess the proverbial shit hit the proverbial fan and I was out of luck. Being accused of something you did not do always sucks, especially when it gets you suspended from school. I guess my mom really got pissed because she said I wasn't going back, I was headed for the big public school. I knew myself that I had done nothing wrong, but trust me, I still felt like I had really messed up somewhere. I thought that somehow this was all my fault. It may sound pathetic now, but those few days were some of the worst I can remember.
You might not realize this, but I'm not exactly the most outgoing person around people that I don't really know. So as a new student who had all my classes with almost no one that I knew, it really sucked. I can remember days when I just wished that I had someone to talk to and make laugh. These were not the greatest times in my life. But to make a long story short, I eventually came to meet some of the most amazing people I think this world has to offer. I've made friendships that will undoubtledly last a lifetime and I've even restored friendships that I had when I was very young. Now I look back on that day when I sat in my old principal's office and he told me that I would be suspended. I felt so alone then. I remember just sitting, and trying to figure out what was wrong with me. I wish I could talk to the person I was then. I wish I could tell him to keep his head up and that so much happiness would come out of that anguish. Now I thank God that I went through that entire ordeal. I thank God for giving me the chance to meet all these amazing people, and for the chance to affect these people, hopefully for the better.
Ten, twenty years from now who knows what we'll think when we look back on these times. Maybe we'll smile, maybe we'll cry.
It really is true we all have times when we feel like nothing works. It's like we're just not good enough or we're just not good at all. But just as soon as I find myself thinking those things, I then realize that I've felt that way before and I'll most likely feel that way again. And I'ts only a matter of time before I don't feel like that at all.
Wow I really am a sap.
Catch ya on the flip side.
Current Music: Dispatch
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May 25th, 2004
11:02 pm
I don't get many things right the first time
In fact, I am told that a lot
Now I know all the wrong turns, the stumbles and falls
Brought me here
And where was I before the day
That I first saw your lovely face?
Now I see it everyday
And I know
That I am
I am, I am
The luckiest
What if I'd been born fifty years before you
In a house on the street where you live?
Maybe I'd be outside as you passed on your bike
Would I know?
And in a wide sea of eyes
I see one pair that I recognize
And I know
That I am
I am, I am
The luckiest
I love you more than I have ever found a way to say to you
Next door there's an old man who lived to his nineties
And one day passed away in his sleep
His wife, she stayed for a couple of days
And passed away
I'm sorry, I know that's a
strange way to tell you that I know
we belong
That I know
That I am
I am, I am
The luckiest
-Ben Folds
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May 13th, 2004
08:00 pm - Consider This:
Realizing that my last few posts have been on the heavier side, I've decided to take this entry to humor myself. Recently, some of my personal views have come under attack and I feel the need to defend myself. I just ended two straight sentences with myself. Now three. Ok anyways I'm not talking about serious personal views, after all I pledged that this would never become a political blog, but ones that I feel everyone should hear... or read I guess.
1. Any music medium, however extreme, can still offer good quality music.
Now before I get bombarded with insults and buckets of vile, consider the creative talent behind Outkast compared to others in the Rap genre. You may hate me for saying this but I consider Outkast to be a breath of fresh air and, believe it or not, actually enjoy some of their music. Punk rock has the Ramones and The Clash who may be "old school" but are still very modern in sound and image. Classic Rock and Pop has the Beach Boys and the Beatles who took the world by storm in the sixties and can still stand up to anything today. From the Caribbean there is Bob Marley whose reggae rhythms changed lives and spread a message of hope and understanding. If the majority of people would judge music by the quality and talent instead of the type and image, let's just say nobody would be in the club gettin' tipsy (sorry, I couldn't resist).
2. Terminator 2 is one of the most thrilling and mind-involving movies ever made.
Many "action movies" fall victim to the trap of becoming a barrage of fast chases and big explosions all the while making you more stupid for watching. Terminator 2 is not one of those movies. A good movie should make you think. And to watch this film and understand it takes a considerable amount of thought process. James Cameron weaves action, story line, and character developement into creating a great motion picture. Minority Report and Saving Private Ryan are also examples of this. A truly great film must speak to the heart of the viewer (now I'm starting to sound like a hippie). All three films I've mentioned have underlying messages. To simply disregard these films, along with any others that have a message, would be an injustice to yourself. Skip 2 Fast 2 Furious and rent The Shawshank Redemption or Schindler's List. At least you're brain will thank you.
I think I'm finished now. Go on with your lives and pretend you are hilarious. I know I do. Thanks for coming.
Current Music: Wouldn't it be nice if we were older...
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